Last year was the most intense year, in my recent history. My year was full of reasons to stay on the straight and narrow, to immerse myself in 12 Steps and to recover as quickly as possible. I had relationship challenges, partner challenges, family challenges, work challenges, money challenges. By time I got to the end of 2011, I was exhausted and sick of my own feelings & issues.
I took a little break from work and the stresses of life. I managed to have a perfectly peaceful Christmas & New Year. All the family birthday celebrations went off without incident. I thought I had recovered and that 2012 was going to be sweet. I resolved to be less intense, more happy-go-lucky.
It turns out that I only made it 21 days until I realise that recovery isn’t ever going to be something I finish. My feelings are a BIG part of me, and they are going to come, whether I like them or not. Life on life’s terms are going to be good and bad in cycles, I have to accept all of it.
Now that the holiday is over, I have to get back on the wagon. The work begins again. I am back in recovery and taking the very first step.
I admitted I was powerless over feelings – that my life has become unmanageable.
I’m grateful to be back in recovery and I am grateful that through this blog (and the others that I can read again) I am going to connect with other people in recovery – and most specially, my friend T.